.Saturday, February 25, 2006 ' 11:46 PM Y
damn fucked up with my computer. It is like getting more and more laggy. Everything is so SLOW! haiz.. my parents kept talking about unhappy stuffs today. I hate to hear all those. These dampen my mood. sort of.
Regreting. Am i regreting now? Or am i going to regret later? Puzzled. I felt so lost all of a sudden. But i could not tell anyone, coz i dun even know who to confide. My parents? nope, not the right choice to tell them. not suitable for such problems. friends? Will they understand how i feel? Not exactly, coz most of them are not facing this problem. So who to talk to? I really don't know. Lol, this is not the first time i face such problem whereby i don't know who to confide. Nvm. No one cares.
All right, so after talking so much, what is it abt?
Well, the posting results are coming out soon. I chose to study in a jc despite of my lousy L1R5. Intially, when i got my results on the 10th of feb, around 3.15pm in the afternoon, i was really overjoyed that i can get 16 pts and i can actually get into a jc. ( i mean for my standard. for someone who had 29 pts for prelims.) But when i looked around, there were so many 10 pointers. And all of them are either my classmates or close friends. Even for someone who got 40 plus pts for prelims can actually get 16 pts for Os. I then realised how lousy i am. Really sad. My parents and biao jie told me not to compare with others, Compare with urself. I know that i am comparing my score with others. But hello, who doesn't compare?? It is human nature! However, i still tried to put on a smile and even told my family and relatives tt i am "very happy" with my results. *pui!* Weijun was happy for me although he thought tt i could score better than this. So tt day, i tried to do lottas stuffs like spending money and be crazy to cheer myself up. It succeeded.
Fine. So when i reached home, my mum started to ask me what jc am i planning to go. I then started to flip the jae booklet. I looked at pj science stream. Gahx..i then found out tt my score is actually very risky for me to get in. wtf! So frm tt day on, i started panicking till the day i submitted my jae form. Just told myself to give a try.
Now, i kept asking myself, perhaps i shld try art stream. Coz i am actually more interested in uni courses like theatre studies, mass com and stuffs like tt. But judging frm my english standard, i better not study. Coz it is not a matter of passing, it is matter of scoring.
I also did put some poly courses in my choices. I regreted for not putting tourism courses as my 5th choice. I have actually put chemical tech, which is not what i am interested now. I am so damn fickled minded. So what if i get into this poly course. Really worried and scared. Due to my lousy L1R5, i may not even get into a jc lo. Really dunno what to do except to chant and wait for my posting results.
To my friends out there, u may not be facing this problem and may not even understand how i am feeling right now. *sob sob*. If i had score better.....damn ME!!! All my fault for my lousy score even though i have tried my best. But all these had past..well..
Recently, these few days, i am very free at home. Staying at home doing nothing, except reading newspapers and disturbing pple on msn. Felt so useless when i see pple so busy with their studies. Looking forward to my jc life, but still miss my 3 mths of holidays so much. Well, starting jc life and to get into jc life is totally different. As you know, the pple in there are 3 mths ahead of me although i have done self studying at home. fruitless!
seemed to be enjoying my life now..
but....not exactly..
grumbling, regreting.
hopeless, sad, despair, scared, lost, useless.
no more words to describe my feeling now. *sob*
what shld i do???
