.Friday, March 30, 2007 ' 9:39 PM Y
This entry is going to be a boring one, coz nothing much really happened this week.
oOO..happy 18th birthday, jiawei!! haha. I still feel like writing this on my blog although i know ur birthday was yesterday. Be a real man okay!!
yupz, got back my common test results, and they were all like shit! gonna start mugging soon. Miss my ipod a lot..arrr...my dearest ipod in malaysia! =) oh well....
feeling very tired recently...hmm...get tired easily in fact. My mum told me to rest more, especially during weekends. Speaking of this, i am still unsure of my plans tomorrow, dun wanna go out too much too, a nearer place to my house is prefered. Still deciding whether should i attend the SD orientation tomorrow..hmm....
ohhh..and the night cycling is postponed to next friday, which is a good friday!! I shall make sure i wun pangseh them again, if not peggy is not going to buy me my birthday gift! LOL!! haha. yeapz..
.Friday, March 23, 2007 ' 11:11 PM Y
oooh!! So one week has just past like that and i wanna shout out loud that.....COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!!! yeap!!! So i guess i should be free the next few days. Lets review what i have done for the past one week.
studied....and studied...and studied..like i have never studied before. But my hardwork dun seems to pay off....haha. But its okay, coz everything is OVER!! So lets not go deep into it. So besides studying, i slept like a pig during certain afternoons too. oh well, my besties should know me well that one of my hobbies is sleeping! =) hmm, and when i was bored during my studying for common test, i had da mu gua to entertain me!! haha, thanx a lot man! I know those smses must have cost you a blast!
hmm..so today, after my paper, i rotted alone in school after eewei and sihui left. Had nice chat on the phone with peiling. Then i went to meet my co mates and talk!!!! After they left for bballing, i went town with pearly. hmm, so we walked around in heerens and cineleisure. Then at around 4.50pm, i rushed for CO practice. Today's practice is quite fun!! 金蛇狂舞 all the way!! And i realised that i need to brush up a lot on my drumming skills!! wahahaha. After CO, my CO mates, chenghan and I went for dinner at bp plaza..and chenghan teased me again! booboo to him lar!! haha. How can my shifu be liddat!! =)
reached home at around 10 plus....dread!!!! Guess i need to be back in my booboo land. nitex!!
i need some space to breathe!!! and...i need some of your precious time from
you.. =)
Quote of the day: dun 自做多情 la!!!! =)
.Sunday, March 18, 2007 ' 6:54 PM Y
Was very emo the past few days!! omg!! okay, i promise myself to be back to normal!! To those who is supporting me out there, i am perfectly fine alright!! Dun worry yea!!Common tests are super near from now!! and tomorrow is the day man!! Once again, and i gonna emphasize it out loud...."shit to math man!!" haha, somehow felt that way, but i gonna ace it somehow by a levels. I still see that glimmer of hope shining on me!! embrace on man!okay, enough of acadamic studies. hmm...just finish revising my work, so i gonna rest for a while.I did something bad on the 16th of march, which is a friday.. It left me so...ermm...out of place?? so MALU la!!! kk, so this was how it went..That afternoon, i was a little bored with studying, so i have decided to try something exciting. hmm..so having no idea on what to do, i went online to chat. Then i realised that my da mu gua was not online..hMm...so my hand become itchy somehow...so i decided to try to log in to his msn account. I thought it was safe coz he was not online anyway, and my intention was definitely not to hack his account! So here i went!! and to my horror, it signed out after i signed in successfully, leaving a message, " this acccount has been signed in on another computer". Then i was like..OMG!! oH nO!! hmm..so i pretend to know nothing and sign in back to my account. And i dun think he is so smart to realise it. But to my surprise, he messaged me the next moment,da mu gua: wei, u naughty ah, wanna sign in my account for wat wor...Naughty naughty ah!da mu gua: Ya im at home..U naughty naughty ah..Haha..Wanna test whether me at home or not isst?xiao mu gua: oh shit!! since when did u become so clever!! How did u manage to find out uh?? ermm..sorry la, i was just bored and a bit of itchy hand..ehh, then why din u appear online?da mu gua: My sis using the com juz noe den is auto sign in but after she told me i know its u le..U juz bored den hack my account huh..Icxiao mu gua: haiz..now u make me feel guilty..hmm, i 'm sorry, i wun do that again..haha..hey, come online and chat leh!haha, so he went online to chat with me lo. I wanna go out!! have lottas FUN!! =)And did u all realise that blogger is getting more and more LAGGY!! eeyer!! (=
.Friday, March 16, 2007 ' 2:10 PM Y
ohh well, one week just past like that, and i am glad that i had finally done some constructive studying today..in fact it started last night! I studied my atmosphere geog finally, at least i know what are all the cells, wind and pressure belts up to. So i am rewarding myself with short break right now. haiz..but sadly speaking, my brain is still not functioning at its optimal level yet. Hopefully i will perform miracles next week. oh gosh, some blessings for me please!!! =)
Been very emo these few days. My topic kept revolving around "her"..ermm..apparently, someone. Many people around me kept commenting about "her" in front of me, and my mum gave me some of her opinions too. Have been thinking about it and i find it quite true. Must be the stupidity in me which does not allow me to realise it earlier. If i had, then maybe those hurtful things might not happen. hmm..i guess i should heed some advices from my mum this time.
ooo..did i mention that my da mu gua is back!!! haha. Can finally contact him easily, although the cost is still the main problem. hmm..not used to what i am calling him now, and somehow there is a distance between us. I guess i should not be bothering about the obstacles and questioning myself too much regarding this issue. I can safely say that i am still doing fine, although being able to be back to our past is still the best choice. But there is nothing i can do right now, as you it is not up to me to change the situation. oh well.....
This week has been a boring one for me, with all the mock tests and studying...brrr...ruins my week completely man!! Math is a pain to me, geog is still manageable, chem is still okay, with the
help from mrs soh, i guess i am still surviving well. I gonna stay at home to do my intensive studying till that bloody common tests are over!!
I am still unsure whether my decisions are right. I know what is best for me. Right now, i am only aware that my best days are over, and it seems that i will never get back to my old days, my happy-go-lucky character. With the incomplete yet important piece in my life, it makes me feel so naked and uneasy. You know what i mean, and you know how much you mean to me. haiz..but whatever it is, i sincerely wish you all the best. I hope you will still be as cheerful as before, like how you behaved when i first lay my eye on you.
你那灿烂的笑容，对我来说是多么的珍贵的
如果你还爱我，请你告诉我
我会一直陪在你的身边，做你的专属天使
..
...
....
.....
但如果我令你感到难过，请你忘了我........
.Friday, March 09, 2007 ' 11:53 PM Y
I felt so blissed today!! thanx a lot dudes!!
Had GP exam early in the morning....gp was never an easy subject..haha... Had lunch in school before going home. Went to woodlands library to meet marcus to study. hmm..pearly is supposed to come, but she din..haha. Tiffany, jolene and kelvin join in later. We shifted to RP to study till quite late..around 10pm. Then we had "zu chao" for dinner at a kopitiam near 892, till around 10.50pm. Had a slow walk to cwp before meeting nat. ooo..and he sent me home. Thanks a lot for ur chocolates and vitasoy!! My fridge is now filled with chocolates lo!!
Felt very happy overall today. I had never been so cheerful for quite some time le. haha
yayness to me!! my dearest da mu gua is going to be back very very very soon!! I will have someone who is of the same calibre as me to entertain le!! yeepee!!! =)
hmm...i have theory exam tomorrow, its at furama hotel, 2pm. So i guess i have to study a bit more for my theory now. nitex everyone!! =)
.Friday, March 02, 2007 ' 9:30 PM Y
I'm numbed. I felt really sad, i could really feel the pain in my heart, but yet i was unable to cry out all my sorrows. I tried forcing myself to cry them all out, but i just simply can't. But today, it was not the case anymore. I witness the released of the a level results, and got back my horrible chinese results at the same time. Today really made a difference for me. I suddenly feel that i am so different from last time, my lifestyle seems to have changed completely. I am not my usual self anymore. And today, i finally broke down. Yes, i cried non stop, not because of the horrible results, but i could not accept the fact that i was struck by many obstacles recently. And they all come one after another, non stop! I need a break!! Please spare me from all these miserable stuffs!! I want to get on with my life!!
I was always a happy going girl. 2006 was my best year. I had a bunch of friends whom i trust a lot. I made a lot of friends at the same time. And i get to gain a lot of new experiences, which are going to be useful in my life. I get to know my mu gua. We started off being super close friends. My friendship with him was perfect. As days gone by, we proceed on and got into a relationship. He was so dear to me. And he made me feel so bliss. I felt so secured with him. I thought my life had gone up to a higher level. Although we quarreled many times, we still stand strong together and we were just like before. I was so busy with my friends at the same time. I have completely no fear of being left alone. I enjoyed schooling. In fact, i looked forward in coming to school everyday, last year. My november and december holidays were marvelous!
Then here comes 2007. It started off horrible, even at the first night of the year. It was really a bad start. Then my mu gua left for ns on his birthday. And so i tried to adapt to the days without him. I eventually succeeded. In january, i met a serious friendship problem with my clique of besties. I relied on them a lot in school. They are like pillars in my daily school lives. They turned away from me suddenly. I tried to tell some of my friends, but only one kind soul responded to me and gave me some constructive advices. My friendship problem was eventually solved in three weeks time. Then in february, I though i was supposed to be happy, coz my mu gua is about to come out camp soon, and we can be like last time, the days that i had been longing for after he went into ns. But i din expect myself to meet with relationship problems. And it ended so abruptly with a break up. He told me some stuffs that night..and those words really hurt me deeply. Till now, i still remember exactly how he sounded that very night. I remembered how he said thank you to me that night after i agreed on the breakup. He mentioned the break up twice, and i only cried once. I thought i was strong enough.
Then today, i got back my horrible chinese result when all my seniors hold their results tight in their arms in joy. Yes, the dragon badge did well. I supposed jackson did well too. Then i felt so different all of a sudden. Is like...he is finally going to finish his ns soon, his results are supposedly good (which is a great relief to him), and he has finally got out of this relationship (this relationship which hurts him a lot) He is finally break free. Free to start off anew. And i am still stuck in my jc life, struggling for my As, and also being not able to get over with this relationship yet.
Many things just happened and ended all of a sudden. Till now, i still do not know the real reason behind them yet. I felt so lost and scared, really. Its so terrible that i dun even know where i am standing.I have lost my sense of direction. Everyone seems to achieved or gotten what they want. But i am still stuck in my wonderland, resembling a fool! Making a fool out of myself while all the bad things kept striking me, one by one.
Well, this is how bad i am feeling at the moment. All these things left me speechless, in tears. I know my prioties. This year is indeed my important year, a year when i should shine and show out my potential. But how do you expect me to carry on at this point of time? I thought i was a tough girl, strong enough to surcome any obstacles. But i failed terribly. Look at me now in this horrible state, then you will fully understand. I am like a pinball, being pushed around, being subjected to fate.
Yes i cried today, and the situation was quite bad. I even cried when my mum asked me about my results. And guess what was the first statement she made? " Girl, do you have some other stuffs that are bothering you, for example relationship? I know you wun cry just purely because of results." See, even my mum can tell even though i never tell her anything at all. These two months were really horrible.
But despite of that, i had a few friends around me who supported me all the way when they knew about my problems somehow or another, and i really wanna thank them. Let me introduce these kind peeps!! hmm...they are marcus!! pearly!! junwei!! nataniel!! sandy!! peiling!! soohuey!! and also da mu gua for being so caring to me although we are friends now. hey, these words are really from my bottom of my heart yea!
Its the bits and pieces of bad things that are hurting me. Right now, i only hope that when mu guas reunite, we will still maintain a close friendship like how we were last time before we got together, and also to gain back my confidence in my studies to prepare myself for my a levels. I hope he will still support me all the way. He is the only person i trust most besides my family.
I feel like running away from wherever i am now and not come back....i wanna leave..
