.Sunday, August 05, 2007 ' 12:42 AM Y
alrite! I shall update my blog!! hmm, just back from sam's birthday party!! Had lottas fun there! Took a lot of photos, ate like a glutton, laughed like nobody's business and took a little alcoholic drinks too. Nehnehkiaz rocks!! Ur the best..but its a pity that peggy wasnt there. haha.
hmm, time for some serious reflections. haha. alrite, lets shift the time machine one yr back, and then compare the past to the present. hm, so this is how it goes.
Sometimes i wonder, what does it means when ur guy friend tries to get close to you? Does he truely and purely wants to make friend with u and treasure u as a friend? Or isst due to some other motives? eg; he is fond of you and he hopes to starts a relationship with you. I get really scared when i meet such a situation, coz like someone told me, "its better to make more friends in life, rather than turning him or her into ur enemy for no reason." Yes, it is definitely true, but its so hard when making decision, judging whether ur opinion of him is right or wrong.
I got a real bad experience regarding this issue. And im really puzzled. I felt so cheated and silly. He, used to laugh, talk and joke with me a lot. He, used to be my best confider in life. He, used to be the person i trusted most. He, used to give me a lot of encouragement and be the one for me when i am down and helpless. He, was once my best besties in life. And the silliest joke was that, i fell in love with him and i even agreed to start a relationship with him. That was a year ago. But he is so different in the present. He, lost interest in someone he used to love a lot last time. And im still crazily in love with him for the past few months. Recently, he just entered a new environment, a new phase of life. I wished my dear friend for the very best and hope that he is enjoying life. I treated him like a good friend, and happily thought that he was like before. But guess what? I was utterly wrong. Ever since he entered a new environment, he had completed changed. He was so weird to me! He refuses to talk to me, love to tell me "dun need to reply le", denied that i have called him, and even din bother to ask me why i called.
Being innocent and blur, i consulted my laoda. He is a great man, and a great "brother" of mine. Then he told me, "girl, u know what, when a guy is single and not attached to anyone, he tend to divert his attention away very easily, especially when he enters a new environment. His mindset and thinking towards relationships and life partners will change drastically. believe me, this happened to both my ex before."
Then i thought to myself, why are guys so selfish? They change so drastically, and expect those people beside to accept it without humming a single word. So when he says, "i dun love you anymore, go away." or "i tried to love you, but i failed" when he was the one who jio you in the first place, and you are supposed to be expected to accept these nonsences and not fight back? Life dun work this way!
And when he doesnt love you anymore, he shoos away from you and dun treat you as friend as before when you just knew him? And again i am supposed to accept this fact in silence and not ask him abt it? So am i supposed to act as if i dunno anything and go his way?
So am i suppose to make this conclusion that he got close to me for his own purpose, coz he likes me and he wish to start a relationship with me? I really dunno..
Im ranting all these random stuffs coz i am really puzzled. This is my worst experience ever. really. Sensei, what should i do? I know i am supposed to place my studies. But frankly speaking, i wanna know the reason why..
But at least, i am not feeling anymore pain now. Coz i am no longer in love with anybody and "he" is no longer my cup of tea. And i gonna thank loada for his advices.
Im not trying to emphasize that it hurts a lot to be in a relationship. Its good to have several experiences. But please, at least open ur eyes wider when choosing a life partner. Dun spend ur precious time with someone and realise that he is not worth even a cent after a few months or years of relationship. Its not wise to do so, and it certainly cause some harm to you. Please invest ur time wisely. =)
